Love.
i think its the most used word. over used, more like.
the most misused word too.
love-
abused yet easily available.
over rated yet satisfying.
confusing yet to be revelled in.
overlooked yet seeked.
underestimated yet yearned for.
taken-for-granted yet appreciated.
and yet no matter what we do we all want it, even if we deny it or run away from it, it always is there and keeps up with us, always.
Life can get complicated by just this ONE tiny word. or infact it may not even actually BE complicated but may appear so.love is delusional. As tiny as it may seem it is omnipresent and means different things to different people.
I thought it would always make me happy but there have been times where I've been sad and miserable sometimes too. Today, though is a different story and i am happy *touchwood* =) very happy infact :) I 'underestimated' it, I underestimated me and my love.
at this same time there is another who is so highly 'confused' she doesnt know wats going on. She talks to everyone about it and takes opinions but refuses to listen to her heart.
then another. he doesnt want to listen to his heart. we can hear it more loudly than he can but yet he will 'overloook' it all.overlook her.
say hello to the next. she knows wat she wants in life and wat she doesn't. she has everythin set but in her mind. but on the outside it's all a big hotch potch. she has love, infact she has surplus of it. now, doesn't know wat to do? she's 'revelling' in it and yet 'yearning' for more or something different. An out on all of this!
and then one of the most commonest- she is 'seeking' for love. looked but didn't find, not looking anymore but is still waiting.and when it came.. no no no. she 'overlooks' or DOESN'T LOOK :)
but i guess this happens to most of us, right? so its fine.. or is it?
then what about unrequitted love? how long should i wait? hmmm... its been a while now, let's move on? he doesn't know wat to do, but he still loves.
then come these-talk.flirt.love.'abuse'. throw. next.talk.flirt.love.'abuse'.throw.next.
and so it continues. wat does love mean to these? does it even mean anyhtin? does it even exist for them? do they even know of anything even CALLED love???
but watever.
to each his own.
jus hurts to see such a beautiful emotion moulded in so many ways, sometimes confused for another, sometimes mixed with another and sometimes lost altogether.
we each hope that one day we do find our loves, some of us do some don't and these are the ones who just haven't tried. tried to look around, tried to reach out or even jus tried :)
i hope we all learn to love our loves one day.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
two thousand and eight
. exams finally end on the 8th of Jan . we go for our AMAZING Goa trip . Salomi turns twenmty . i organise an amazing Rose Day . Dom n me become Rose King & Queen . i continue to drift . Dom & me also become Prom King & Queen . my 2 best friends start getting "friendly" . Dom &b me celebrate our first anniversary . i screw up someones life . Dom & me talk . we work it out & are still together . someone breaks up . my best friend is sad, pissed off and confused . Des & me begin to drift apart . Sag turns twenty . everyone's bitching about 'her' & her 'smile' . Vinu turns twenty, but we don't celebrate . she has exams . my exams come again . Meike & me become better friends . i introduce her to Candies . exams end . Rafael Nadal wins his first ever Wimbeldon Lawn Tennis tournment beating five time champ & Salomi's fav- Roger Federe . Dom & me are great . Shibu's back from Frnce . Meike goes back home to Germany . college begins again . Dom & me are still great thogh he's not in college anymore . Nadal becomes World #1 & Fed-ex is World #2 . there's big time inflation-11% . Dom gets a job at ITC . a stray dog bites me... again . salomi, kush & me go with aak's family to Kard to surprise her for her Birthday . we make her a soft toy . i get a fringe . Mosaic's here . not so big a deal . i become Head of Finance . Anhita & floru are Head of PR . des is Mktg co-ord . Shalu is creative head . Elita is... herself . Mallu & i become "sweethearts" . Results come out . i'm first in Class with an aggregate of 76% . Dom is with me . but Florence isn't . she gets a drop . so do Reuben, bruno, kaustubh, anson, eisha, Einstein, shweta i & pratik . Mosaic is fun . Des & i patch up . Dom & i start fighting again & decide on taking a break . i go to pune . i talk to someone . Opium and me become buddies . dom & me break up . it's my twentieth birthday and it sucks . i get a tattoo . salomi accompanies me for it . aak comes homw for diwali . Salomi, Aak & me meet . Adora's become big & so is Su . we see Fashion . there's the world's worst ever financila crisis . saloni turns twenty . we celebrate . Dom turns twenty-two . we don't celebrat . nadine turns twent . we celebrate . barrack obama becomes the first ever black/African American to be eleceted as President of the United States of America . Adi n me create a record of meeting more than thrice a month . i join driving class . the Taj is attacked . the worst & biggest ever terror attacked witnessed by us . we are unprepared . people dying, people crying . ia m crying . i still try to cope with being alone . Vilasrao deshmukh is not CM . Shivraj patil resigns . P. Chidambaram is the new Home minister . RR patil resigns . salomi si abum but we're best friends always . we're 'in love' . poo & me talk things over . so do my 'best friend' and me . exams are back . im still crying. Ashok Chavan of Nanded, Latur is the new MH CM . naaryan rane is pissed . meghana heble gets engagaed . her fiance looks like federe tho pa doesnt agree . Priya akku's wedding gets postponed ans hence my bangalore trip . Chaggan Bhujbal's the new Dep CM . India blames Pak . chief of Al-Quieda foun din PoK by Pak armies . im over dom . i learn a new phrase-"Ultra Fucking Cool" (UFC) . tried for scholarship at MAAC . result sucked albeit surprisingly . nikhil n rads turn TWENTY-ONE . my stoooooooooopid college distributes the wronmg paper hence we solve TCS instead of AT . i go to roshnis place n have beer n vodka n whisky . fundo mix . i give my drieivn teat on a Santro which refuses to start . riding test on Kinetic is AWESOME . getting my license on the 2nd of Jan '09 . going to celebrate new year's at sag's n saloni's with salmi,slaoni,sag,kushal,anshu,devleena,yash,tanvi & maybe uttara .its neets pacchi n prakash mam's 25th Wedding Anniversary . we're gonna celebrate . see you next year . i love you all .
Love Autopsy
this poem is a SPECIAL dedication to a certain "bitch". tho im positive she won't ever read my blog, which i really wish she would do.but watever.
it's over, it's finished
it felt like a dream
we're two separate souls now
who were once a team
everyone looked
& everyone spoke
as they saw our love
when slowly it broke
they called me names
& gossiped about us
i didin't wince even once
when they all made such a big fuss
my life was shattered
& my heart broke
but for everyone watching
it was just a joke
something to talk about
another topic to 'investigate' & probe
while i was lying lonely here
losing all hope
this was like my love's autopsy
where everythign was cut up
to look deeper inside
& find out the fuck up
so my tears didn't matter
or the hurt i went through
the scars all over our love
noone had a clue
each one did contribute
to add to the trash
they could've left it as it was
but no, they had to make the itch a rash
and now as i slowly heal
they don't stop it at that
they wanna know who i'm with now
so they can start another chat
is it always necessary
to be the half of a one?
when being alone & enjoying this phase
i have just begun!
i'm still in love, i do agree
but it still is him
but being in love doesnt mean being together
& if YOU think so then your chances of finding "HIM" ar ereally slim.
every once in a while, when someone breaks up, you gossip and enjoy it. throwing mud on the people.
it's fun for you but it's serious for me. it's my LIFE... so honestly, i think that SOME PEOPLE desperately need to mind their own fucked up businesses n jus cos you arent gettin screwed enough don't screw others lives.
it's over, it's finished
it felt like a dream
we're two separate souls now
who were once a team
everyone looked
& everyone spoke
as they saw our love
when slowly it broke
they called me names
& gossiped about us
i didin't wince even once
when they all made such a big fuss
my life was shattered
& my heart broke
but for everyone watching
it was just a joke
something to talk about
another topic to 'investigate' & probe
while i was lying lonely here
losing all hope
this was like my love's autopsy
where everythign was cut up
to look deeper inside
& find out the fuck up
so my tears didn't matter
or the hurt i went through
the scars all over our love
noone had a clue
each one did contribute
to add to the trash
they could've left it as it was
but no, they had to make the itch a rash
and now as i slowly heal
they don't stop it at that
they wanna know who i'm with now
so they can start another chat
is it always necessary
to be the half of a one?
when being alone & enjoying this phase
i have just begun!
i'm still in love, i do agree
but it still is him
but being in love doesnt mean being together
& if YOU think so then your chances of finding "HIM" ar ereally slim.
every once in a while, when someone breaks up, you gossip and enjoy it. throwing mud on the people.
it's fun for you but it's serious for me. it's my LIFE... so honestly, i think that SOME PEOPLE desperately need to mind their own fucked up businesses n jus cos you arent gettin screwed enough don't screw others lives.
I'm misssing you...
this is my last blog entry for this year. but considerin the fact that ive hardly blogged at all this year, im happy that i atleast managed to pen this one.its kinda special.
what do you do when you miss somebody?
do you see their photographs?
do you try n recollect how they look?
do you try to remember all the times you've spent together?
do you remmeber how they spoke, how their voices sounded?
do you remember how you fought?
do you remember about the things they liked or hated...or what made them happy or sad?
wat do you do?
or then do you just call them up?
or probably go see them?
but what if, just what if they weren't there or for some reason there's no way in the world you could ever see them again?wat could you do?
well im feelin like that now.im feeling "missing you" right now.
my granduncle passed away last september. its been more than a year now but i miss him, alot. prolly more so cos i'd hardly spenty so much time with him anyways (he lived in America) and i wish i could have him for longer.
i remember him in bits n pieces... when he came to India twice or when i went there n he chucked his busy schedule to entertain me! but most of all i remember the way he smiled, cos i used to call him Bugs Bunny cos of his buck teeth! ill never be able to see him smile again.
or my grandaunt who also passed away in April 2007, with whom id spent the most time, after my immediate family,i miss her too. i miss talkin to her or hear her laugh. she had cancer n if you'd see her you could never tell that.
she was really fat n cute n had a very hearty laugh.also because of her weight she had, what i call, a penguin walk!!! she has 3 grandchildren, now 4, but yet she loved me the most. i don't know why or even how. even before she passed away she was in a coma n i was the last person she spoke to. that makes me feel special but also sad. sad because i can never talk to her again.
i wonder how she'd feel if she were alive today? to see her new born grandson or me graduating next year? these are somethings nobody can tell.or even if they may try n guess i can never know how i'd feel.
so wat do i do? not much of a choice i have now, do i?
but then there are some.they may not be dead... but they're only alive in my heart, in my memories n photographs. but i still cant see them, meet them or talk to them. so wat do i do?
and knowing the fact that they still are there, somewhere around me but not having to be able to talk to them or even see tham makes me feel worse.
so i guess i'll just leave it there and wait until i see them next. which im sure i will.
but until then... i' missing you...
what do you do when you miss somebody?
do you see their photographs?
do you try n recollect how they look?
do you try to remember all the times you've spent together?
do you remmeber how they spoke, how their voices sounded?
do you remember how you fought?
do you remember about the things they liked or hated...or what made them happy or sad?
wat do you do?
or then do you just call them up?
or probably go see them?
but what if, just what if they weren't there or for some reason there's no way in the world you could ever see them again?wat could you do?
well im feelin like that now.im feeling "missing you" right now.
my granduncle passed away last september. its been more than a year now but i miss him, alot. prolly more so cos i'd hardly spenty so much time with him anyways (he lived in America) and i wish i could have him for longer.
i remember him in bits n pieces... when he came to India twice or when i went there n he chucked his busy schedule to entertain me! but most of all i remember the way he smiled, cos i used to call him Bugs Bunny cos of his buck teeth! ill never be able to see him smile again.
or my grandaunt who also passed away in April 2007, with whom id spent the most time, after my immediate family,i miss her too. i miss talkin to her or hear her laugh. she had cancer n if you'd see her you could never tell that.
she was really fat n cute n had a very hearty laugh.also because of her weight she had, what i call, a penguin walk!!! she has 3 grandchildren, now 4, but yet she loved me the most. i don't know why or even how. even before she passed away she was in a coma n i was the last person she spoke to. that makes me feel special but also sad. sad because i can never talk to her again.
i wonder how she'd feel if she were alive today? to see her new born grandson or me graduating next year? these are somethings nobody can tell.or even if they may try n guess i can never know how i'd feel.
so wat do i do? not much of a choice i have now, do i?
but then there are some.they may not be dead... but they're only alive in my heart, in my memories n photographs. but i still cant see them, meet them or talk to them. so wat do i do?
and knowing the fact that they still are there, somewhere around me but not having to be able to talk to them or even see tham makes me feel worse.
so i guess i'll just leave it there and wait until i see them next. which im sure i will.
but until then... i' missing you...
Friday, November 21, 2008
long time no see
hey guys!
im so sorrry for not writing here forever... not like too many of u'll follow it anyways =P
but i missed it toooooooo..... the writing ... or more like not writin forever.
i didnt know that id jus let my blog be n not contribute to it forever but it makes me feel miserable.
welll its been a whole yr now!!! fun na (not really), n im back...hopefully will try to stick on for a while now.
well in the past year a ZILLION things have changed......infact in the past moth itslf.
for one, i turned 20!!!
i got a tattoo.... yup i did im sure more than half of u'll readin this will be so damn jealous!!!!
then i broke up or more like he dumped me, which broke my heart n made me miserable n incosolably sad for wat seemed like forever...but im back to feelin great again!
but in the last yr ive learned so MUCH wen i loook back- bout myself n the world n ppl n EVERYTHIN.
in fact i think in the last yr it mustve also been the first time wen someone mustve flirted with me but i totally hated it! the last year was very ..... DIFFERENT.
i had a lotta firsts last year.... n this yr again is drawin to an end.
the only diff between the last year n this is that i feel happier with myslf in a lotta ways n a lil less happier in the others, iv learned to deal with myself n others, ive learned to deal with the worst thing ever- CHANGE.
n then of course ive loved some n loved some more but some lovin jus never ends.
it jus sits inside, unspoken n unheard.
so heres hopin to me continuin my rubbish writin!
see you'll
im so sorrry for not writing here forever... not like too many of u'll follow it anyways =P
but i missed it toooooooo..... the writing ... or more like not writin forever.
i didnt know that id jus let my blog be n not contribute to it forever but it makes me feel miserable.
welll its been a whole yr now!!! fun na (not really), n im back...hopefully will try to stick on for a while now.
well in the past year a ZILLION things have changed......infact in the past moth itslf.
for one, i turned 20!!!
i got a tattoo.... yup i did im sure more than half of u'll readin this will be so damn jealous!!!!
then i broke up or more like he dumped me, which broke my heart n made me miserable n incosolably sad for wat seemed like forever...but im back to feelin great again!
but in the last yr ive learned so MUCH wen i loook back- bout myself n the world n ppl n EVERYTHIN.
in fact i think in the last yr it mustve also been the first time wen someone mustve flirted with me but i totally hated it! the last year was very ..... DIFFERENT.
i had a lotta firsts last year.... n this yr again is drawin to an end.
the only diff between the last year n this is that i feel happier with myslf in a lotta ways n a lil less happier in the others, iv learned to deal with myself n others, ive learned to deal with the worst thing ever- CHANGE.
n then of course ive loved some n loved some more but some lovin jus never ends.
it jus sits inside, unspoken n unheard.
so heres hopin to me continuin my rubbish writin!
see you'll
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
AHEMDABAD part I - the preparations
first of all this entry might seem way too late to fill in n ive been dyin to do this since i dunno wen but somehow or the other it doesnt work.
first i was too bored to write.
then i wanted to write but i didnt have pics to complement it.
then i got the pics but was bored again!
& so on n so forth....
but here i am finally writing after SOOOOOO long!!!!
feels good!!!! *takes a deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath *
well this entry is about my EXTREMELY adventurous adventure (n believe me it was serious FUN!!!) to AHEMDABAD.
a few months back sam had asked me if i wanted to go for the AISC(All India Student Council) of the IEEE this year.
i was ok wiht it but ocnsidering the fact that i was an SE i was surprised how come the others including himself weren't goin.well apparently cos i was the only one of the 2 SE's who were registered !!!
i didnt give it too much thought but again around september sam asked me again if ireally did wanna go n it was happenin in Ahemdabad on the 28th,29th n 30th of september.i agreed withou teven botherin to know who else was comin.
besides at that point of time i had spoken to sam so much about it that i was convinced this trip would be very "knowledgable" n was completely n totally besotted with the whole idea of a vacation(ok fine semi vacation)!!!! *ya right!*
a few days later it was decide dthat 5 of us would go des n me from the SE n 3 guys from the TE.
vineet- who i kinda knew
joel- nerdy but really sweet n loved to call me up fo rthe lamest of reasons
& charles- who is this guy?
but i was like, okay, watever.
besides i wasnt goin there to have fun anyways na? *i wasn't...... right?*
HA HA here comes the BIG surprise. des madame didnt wanna go ALLLLL the way to ahemdabad unaccompanied by a teacher.
well honestly i have no idea why anybody would give up such an opportunity to go on a mini vacation that too fully paid.... but watever by da end of it NO teacher wanted to go with us. maybe they didnt know who charles was either!!!
n thanx to des's stubborness ,or watever she did, a bunch (five of them) of the BE's agreed to go wiht us.
seema- i love her
charlene- i knew her, didnt love her so far
mayur- "tambi" he was jus this guy who WAS the vice chairman(or some such post) of the IEEE student chapter of my college.
arvin-lord of the 'cunt' *hem hem... details later *
& dennis- now who's THIS guy?
well finally with the lot decided n a lot of other rubbish put in (wanna spare u the details 'cause it includes things like meetin rathore to get some crappy permissions ...yadda yadda) we were ready to leave!!!!!!!!!!!
yippee!!!
* to be conTInUEd
first i was too bored to write.
then i wanted to write but i didnt have pics to complement it.
then i got the pics but was bored again!
& so on n so forth....
but here i am finally writing after SOOOOOO long!!!!
feels good!!!! *takes a deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath *
well this entry is about my EXTREMELY adventurous adventure (n believe me it was serious FUN!!!) to AHEMDABAD.
a few months back sam had asked me if i wanted to go for the AISC(All India Student Council) of the IEEE this year.
i was ok wiht it but ocnsidering the fact that i was an SE i was surprised how come the others including himself weren't goin.well apparently cos i was the only one of the 2 SE's who were registered !!!
i didnt give it too much thought but again around september sam asked me again if ireally did wanna go n it was happenin in Ahemdabad on the 28th,29th n 30th of september.i agreed withou teven botherin to know who else was comin.
besides at that point of time i had spoken to sam so much about it that i was convinced this trip would be very "knowledgable" n was completely n totally besotted with the whole idea of a vacation(ok fine semi vacation)!!!! *ya right!*
a few days later it was decide dthat 5 of us would go des n me from the SE n 3 guys from the TE.
vineet- who i kinda knew
joel- nerdy but really sweet n loved to call me up fo rthe lamest of reasons
& charles- who is this guy?
but i was like, okay, watever.
besides i wasnt goin there to have fun anyways na? *i wasn't...... right?*
HA HA here comes the BIG surprise. des madame didnt wanna go ALLLLL the way to ahemdabad unaccompanied by a teacher.
well honestly i have no idea why anybody would give up such an opportunity to go on a mini vacation that too fully paid.... but watever by da end of it NO teacher wanted to go with us. maybe they didnt know who charles was either!!!
n thanx to des's stubborness ,or watever she did, a bunch (five of them) of the BE's agreed to go wiht us.
seema- i love her
charlene- i knew her, didnt love her so far
mayur- "tambi" he was jus this guy who WAS the vice chairman(or some such post) of the IEEE student chapter of my college.
arvin-lord of the 'cunt' *hem hem... details later *
& dennis- now who's THIS guy?
well finally with the lot decided n a lot of other rubbish put in (wanna spare u the details 'cause it includes things like meetin rathore to get some crappy permissions ...yadda yadda) we were ready to leave!!!!!!!!!!!
yippee!!!
* to be conTInUEd
Sunday, August 05, 2007
F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
Maybe because today is "Friendship day", im feeling all "friend-ly". bu tthere's this beutiful feeling ad i dont know wat it is! im happy n this is the feeling that hasnt really 'come' to me in a long loooong time!
there's like this friends theme thingy goin on alla round me right now. for instance i just read da 7th and LAST * sob sob sob* and FRIENDSHIP is the one relationship that stands out!
be it harry, ron n hermione or Albus n grindelwald or harry n neville or harry n dobby fo rthat matter!
its such a strong feeling, such a beautiffl feeeling..... a feeling that i like feeling!
i dunno wat i would do without u... my friends!!!
thank you- ALL!!!
mumma
pa
pamma
ajju
nana
salomi
poo
aak
vinaya
tanay
adu padu
sag
nasir
doko
adi
suku
uttu
manjusha
sam
vishnu
venky
ramola
ramu
teja
tanvi
sannidhi
wedashree
shibu
radhika
maya
shruti
piya
ria
devina
kimberley
poojadi
savani
neha
krupa
karthik
deepesh
menon
anant
nanavati
jyoti
pratap
raghav
shreyans
koushik
todi
narendra
niku diku
mihir
tejashree
bhiday
swapneil
neil amanna
viraj bhide
thakks
kathik R
karthik
roshan
vrushlai
geet
vandan
irfan
anupam
omar
lagna
DT
swapniel
parmee
elita-gulu bulu
desssssssssss
shalu
zane
anhita
nadine
floru
eliza
mallu
stephanie
BRUNO *=)*
kaustubh
reuben- loser!!!
justin
sidhant
seema
shashank
arvin
bryan
viraj
jason
charlene
benson
pinky!!!!!!
usha miss n ashwini
n most of all dom!!!!
n every lil tiny friend of mine whos been with me ofr either years months days weks or even moments
i love ya'll!!!!
very very much thank you!!!!
MUAH
thanx
there's like this friends theme thingy goin on alla round me right now. for instance i just read da 7th and LAST * sob sob sob* and FRIENDSHIP is the one relationship that stands out!
be it harry, ron n hermione or Albus n grindelwald or harry n neville or harry n dobby fo rthat matter!
its such a strong feeling, such a beautiffl feeeling..... a feeling that i like feeling!
i dunno wat i would do without u... my friends!!!
thank you- ALL!!!
mumma
pa
pamma
ajju
nana
salomi
poo
aak
vinaya
tanay
adu padu
sag
nasir
doko
adi
suku
uttu
manjusha
sam
vishnu
venky
ramola
ramu
teja
tanvi
sannidhi
wedashree
shibu
radhika
maya
shruti
piya
ria
devina
kimberley
poojadi
savani
neha
krupa
karthik
deepesh
menon
anant
nanavati
jyoti
pratap
raghav
shreyans
koushik
todi
narendra
niku diku
mihir
tejashree
bhiday
swapneil
neil amanna
viraj bhide
thakks
kathik R
karthik
roshan
vrushlai
geet
vandan
irfan
anupam
omar
lagna
DT
swapniel
parmee
elita-gulu bulu
desssssssssss
shalu
zane
anhita
nadine
floru
eliza
mallu
stephanie
BRUNO *=)*
kaustubh
reuben- loser!!!
justin
sidhant
seema
shashank
arvin
bryan
viraj
jason
charlene
benson
pinky!!!!!!
usha miss n ashwini
n most of all dom!!!!
n every lil tiny friend of mine whos been with me ofr either years months days weks or even moments
i love ya'll!!!!
very very much thank you!!!!
MUAH
thanx
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